w e l c o m e _ t o _ o n l i n e _ c h u r c h
My New Album: “v i r t u a l _ w o r s h i p”
Review: “Silence” (2016) Music Soundtrack
Observations on the brilliant soundtrack for "Silence"
Lent 2020 Movie Watching List (Review)
A follow up to my Lent 2020 movie watching list
Hegelian Thoughts on Black Metal
Black metal band Mayhem (left) and unblack Christian band Antestor (right) Black metal has an infamous history of murder, church burning, and satanism. However, almost from the beginning of the second wave of black metal (1990s), Christian black metal (or, 'holy unblack metal') maintains a thriving community and generates an interesting artistic response. It used … Continue reading Hegelian Thoughts on Black Metal
Fresh Experience: Online Liturgy
This might be the most science-fiction religious experience to date.
My New Album “Worship Nite” is Now Available
my new album is out
Lent 2020 Movie Watching List
Some movies I want to watch, and some movies you might want to watch.
“A Lament for Australia”
I talk about my recent video and my emotional processing of the horrific fires in Australia.
This was a Thing: Y2K Conspiracy Sermon in a Magazine from the 90s
I talk about a a conspiracy theory sermon from 1996.
Review: The Donut Man — “The Best Present of All” (1992)
I review "The Best Present of All" -- a straight to VHS production from Rob Evans.
Review: “Blood Freak” (1972)
A short review for a crazy film about the Bible, drugs, and a cannibalistic turkey monster.
Perspectives on the Structure of Church Worship
Outline from a lecture I gave about contemporary structures of church worship.
Visual Album for “Revenge of the Satanic Panic!” is now available
New music visual album.
My New Halloween Album: “Revenge of the Satanic Panic!”
I talk about my new Halloween album.
My Latest Album: “Sunday School”
New album!
I Found a Joke about the KKK in a Christian Kids Show from the 90s.
Some late night Psalty turned unexpectedly racist.
“Hi-Tops” (1985) — Christian Teen Musical so Cringy It Might Kill You
Today, we are gonna strap on our high tops shoes, skip into dance class, and watch a musical about how the devil is using peer pressure to destroy your life. If you're looking for Tony-caliber performances, iconic music, and captivating narrative, then you've definitely come to the wrong place. But if you want a cheesy … Continue reading “Hi-Tops” (1985) — Christian Teen Musical so Cringy It Might Kill You
Christian Movies that Should Exist (but unfortunately don’t)
I have some ridiculous ideas for Christian movies, and you're gonna hear about them.
New Album: “Pantechnocracy and the Inevitable Apocalypse”
New album link and description
An Allegorical Reading of “The Nun” (2018) as Commentary on Religious Abuse
I propose a new reading of "The Nun" as an analogy of systemic religious abuse.
“Crisis Theology” Full Album Visual Now Available
Check out the full visual album for "Crisis Theology" by Vacation Bible School (yours truly).
Fresh Experience: “Bibleman” Coloring Pages
You've always wanted to see Bibleman as an undead warrior. Here is your chance.
Check It Out: I was Interviewed in “Vacation Bible School on Hegelian Philosophy and Crystal Pepsi”
An interview in which I participated with Public Pressure.
New Podcast Episode Available: “God Bless the VHS”
In this episode, I review an episode of "Fire by Nite" and Carman's "Time 2." Both of these were straight to VHS Christian shows. I hope you enjoy!
This was a Thing: Psychedelic Rock Church Liturgy
A brief introduction to the awesome world of liturgical psychedelia.
My Philosophy of “Churchwave” as a Subgenre of Vaporwave
I attempt to give a formal articulation of my 'churchwave' philosophy
New, More In-Depth Article I Wrote about Ron Ormond, Director of Gory Christian Exploitation Films
Check out my latest, more in-depth article about Ron Ormond's life and work.
Some Updates on My Recent Activity: Podcast, Videos, and Music!
Short update about what I've been working on.
Review: “Prodigal Planet” (1983) — Using Pirate Radio to Defeat the AntiChrist’s Army
If you wish to watch the full movie, you can do so here: https://vimeo.com/70210504 It's time for the fourth and final installment in the A Thief in the Night series -- a Christian quadrilogy about the End of the World. Before the Left Behind movies and Kirk Cameron's perfect smile dazzled us with apocalyptic fear-mongering, … Continue reading Review: “Prodigal Planet” (1983) — Using Pirate Radio to Defeat the AntiChrist’s Army
New Music Visual: “j a c q u e s _ e l l u l”
My new music visual for the first song on my new album.
Fresh Experience: Visiting LifeWay Christian Bookstore Before It Closes Down
LifeWay Christian store is closing soon. Because of its history of outsourcing religious media, I thought it was my duty to visit it one last time (given the theme of this blog). Let's take a look at what I found.
Review: “Carmen: Time 2 — Last Days” (circa 1995)
Have you been thinking to yourself: "Gee willagers. I really wish that there was a poorly stitched together musical variety show to tell me that the world is doomed"? If the answer is yes, then boy do I have a show for you.
A Brief History of Christian Film
With a few acceptions, Christian movies are notoriously atrocious. Extremely low budgets, sermon-dialogue, unrealistic plots, and poor acting can be expected in almost every movie you see. It's doubtful that things will change anytime soon, and if you are like me and thoroughly enjoy low-brow B-Movies, then you are praying it never will. Nonetheless, it is still important to ask ourselves: How did we get here? So today, I'm going to give a brief overview the Christian film industry's history. I hope you enjoy.
Review: “Image of the Beast” (1981) — The Cyberpunk Entry Into Our Apocalyptic Series
It's an apocalyptic B-Movie with a cyberpunk-esque aesthetic that tries to warn you about the AntiChrist. What's not to love?
Obscure Religious Media: “Route 66” and “JellyTelly” (the Internet Age)
The streaming age is in full swing. What obscure religious media does this era bring us? In this post, I talk about "Route 66" and "JellyTelly."
Is “The Passion of the Christ” (2004) Torture Horror?
Extreme gore. Graphic violence. Prolonged sequences of torture. Can this film be counted as torture horror?
This was a Thing: “La Passion” (1898), and the Early Days of Christian Cinema
I discuss "La Passion" (1898), a Christian silent motion picture that is one of the earliest narrative films that we have footage of. I also look at the earliest days of Christian cinema.
Review: “A Distant Thunder” (Part 2 of the “A Thief in the Night” series). Apocalyptic Christploitation Film (1978)
You can watch the full video here if you wish: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZlqCndGzq28 My last review covered the first installment in this evangelical quadrilogy, A Thief in the Night. You can read it here. Background on the Genre A Distant Thunder focuses on the End Times and the Rapture. A popular belief within evangelicalism is the position … Continue reading Review: “A Distant Thunder” (Part 2 of the “A Thief in the Night” series). Apocalyptic Christploitation Film (1978)
“A Lenten Journey Through Psychedelic Christian Rock”
You can watch the whole video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-DZko8quAvc Recently, I've been discovering all sorts of Christian psychedelic music from the 60s-70s. I'm obsessed. This music is fascinating, and a lot of it is quite good. Bands like Azitis produced amazing and trippy music, and the Electric Prunes were one of many bands to make a … Continue reading “A Lenten Journey Through Psychedelic Christian Rock”
Churches in Horror Movies Part 3: “Carnival of Souls”
I take a look at Trinity Episcopal Church, which was featured in "Carnival of Souls."
Review: “A Thief in the Night” — Christian Apocalypse/Rapture Film (1972)
A Thief in the Night took on an ambiguous four-part film series with one single narrative about people facing the fallout in a post-rapture world, which set the tone for rapture films to follow.
Review: Fire By Nite’s “How to Prepare for the Future” (February, 1987)
In this February episode, "Fire by Nite" takes the opportunity to warn you about the rapture and the AntiChrist.
Review: “Christian Mingle: The Movie” (2014)
For this Valentine's Day weekend, I discovered my new favorite romcom. It's as terrible as you could possibly imagine, which makes it shine ever-brighter.
My New Album “Youth Group Experience” and My Favorite Youth Group Memory
I talk a little bit about my latest album, and my most rocking youth group memory. Trust me. Your life will be forever changed (maybe).
This is a Thing: “Streetlights Bible” Wants to Bring some lofi-Hiphop to Your Scripture
A chillhop Bible is infinitely cooler than other editions of the Bible. Sorry, KJV.
Review: “Livin’ It” — A Christian Skateboarding Film (produced by Stephen Baldwin)
I review the 2004 Christian skate film "Livin' It." Produced by Stephen Baldwin, it showcases footage and performances by Christian skaters and BMXers.
Churches in Horror Movies Part 2: “IT: Chapter One” (2017)
For this entry, I take a look at three places of worship featured in "IT: Chapter One" (2017)
Churches in Horror Movies Part 1: “The Exorcist” and “Exorcist III”
I'm a huge fan of horror movies, but also love church architecture and 'churchwave' aesthetic (it's the name of my blog after all). So for this new series that will pop up from time to time, I'm going to write about the churches/chapels featured in horror movies. The Exorcist The Exorcist (1976) is quite possible … Continue reading Churches in Horror Movies Part 1: “The Exorcist” and “Exorcist III”
Review: “The Grim Reaper” (1976) from Director Ron Ormond
A classic Christploitation film by Ron Ormond from 1976. It's as crazy as you'd imagine.
Fresh Experience: Salvador Dali Art Exhibit
I went to an art exhibit about Salvador Dali. I talk about my favorite paintings.
Review: My Album “Analog Resurrection”
Late last summer, I released an album called "Analog Resurrection" that I created using thrift store vinyls, VHS tapes, and old cassettes I found in my grandparents' house. All of these vinyls and tapes had some type of religious message contained on analog technology -- hence the name "Analog Resurrection." In this post, I give commentary on each song.
The ‘Father of Christian Rock’ Once Wrote a Feminist Psychedelic Rock Opera
It's as awesome as the title sounds.
Short Bio: Ron Ormond — Director of Christian Grindhouse/Exploitation Films (“Christploitation”)
TL;DR Ron Ormond was a director of cheap exploitation and grindhouse films who converted to Christianity. He then took his director style and made cheap Christian propaganda films full of gore and terror -- hence the name "Christploitation." Background Ron Ormond (1910-1981) was born in Baldwin, Louisiana. He started his career in showbiz as a … Continue reading Short Bio: Ron Ormond — Director of Christian Grindhouse/Exploitation Films (“Christploitation”)
This Was A Thing: “Death to the World” is the Orthodox Zine for Metal-Loving Teens
Eastern Orthodox monks made a zine for teenagers who were into the metal/punk music scene.
Album: “Christmastime at North Hills Mall”
One of my favorite things about the holiday season is Christmas-themed vaporwave music. Given the nostalgic nature of vaporwave, it always manages to take me back to the Christmas of my childhood. Speaking of which, one of the earliest Christmas memories I have is of my mom taking me to North Hills Mall during Christmas. … Continue reading Album: “Christmastime at North Hills Mall”
Review: Michael W. Smith’s “Christmas” (1989)
Michael W. Smith is the Christian king of the Christmas season, and this is the album that gave him his crown. Christmas was Smith's first holiday-themed album, and was the soundtrack of my childhood Christmas. About 6 years ago, I would've naively told you that this album is garbage because Smith is a washed out, … Continue reading Review: Michael W. Smith’s “Christmas” (1989)
Jim and Tammy Bakker’s Christmas Parade (1986)
Jim Bakker -- Lord of Buckets, master of the incoming apocalypse -- hosts a Christmas parade on his now defunct televisual program with his now divorced wife. Get ready for the night of your life. If you want to watch it before reading the interview, you can do so here Or, you can watch my … Continue reading Jim and Tammy Bakker’s Christmas Parade (1986)
Memory: The Greatest Christmas Ornament of All Time
This ornament of the batmobile featuring a headless Robin is undoubtedly my favorite of all time. It's been in my family for at least a couple of decades. In fact, my earliest memory of decorating the family Christmas tree is of me wondering how Robin lost his head. For a few years, my brother and … Continue reading Memory: The Greatest Christmas Ornament of All Time
Review: “The Best Christmas Pageant Ever” (Film) [1983]
Tonight, I sat down with a beer to watch The Best Christmas Pageant Ever. If you want to watch it for yourself before reading my review, you can do so here Background This is a film adaption of a book by the same name written by Barbara Robinson in 1971. It's about -- you guessed … Continue reading Review: “The Best Christmas Pageant Ever” (Film) [1983]
Review: “Fire by Nite: Twas the Day After Christmas”
Welcome to the inaugural post for my new blog. I hope you enjoy it and have a fun time. I took a poll on my Facebook page, and Fire by Nite's Christmas special won as the topic to be first reviewed. If you want to watch the episode first, and then read the review, you … Continue reading Review: “Fire by Nite: Twas the Day After Christmas”
